Unity is Not a Virtue
Unity is not a virtue in a society that does not value your humanity.
Calls for unity that do not first acknowledge the ruptures in a relationship or the harm that has been inflicted, are superficial at best.
Premature calls for unity are dismissive to those who have been harmed AND to those who have intentionally or unintentionally inflicted the harm.
The need to quickly move on assumes that perpetrators are incapable of acknowledging the suffering they've caused, taking steps to make amends, or working to restore relationships that have been harmed by their behavior.
Calls for unity often feed into the idea that abusers are fragile, incapable of acknowledging the harm they've caused, or holding themselves responsible for their behavior. Instead of creating a context for resolving their own trauma, superficial unity provides cover for reenacting and perpetuating unresolved trauma.
We don't need to "all get along" as much as we need to do better, and we owe it to each other to sit with our discomfort long enough for it to begin to transform us.
Regardless of my intentions, I want to feel bad when I've hurt someone. It's okay to feel uncomfortable, and it's not the responsibility of those we've harmed to make us feel better.
We've become so obsessed with feeling good that we'll do almost anything to avoid discomfort, and calls for unity are post-election avoidance du jour.
Unity is often presented as an expression of kindness and compassion — an extended olive branch of sorts. However, there's little or no compassion in unity that functions as avoidance.
I appreciate how Resmaa Menakem talked about compassion in a recent interview.
“When I think about compassion, I think about doing. I think about purpose. I think about practice. I think about moving. It is not just this soft, ‘Oh I really care for you, and we're gonna hold hands and do Kumbaya, and walk down the street together, and look deep into each other's eyes."
I'm proposing a fierce compassion that prioritizes healing over unity — an active compassion that approaches the world with eye-wide open and respects each other enough to hold one another accountable for the harm we've caused. A compassion that cares enough to seek justice even when it's uncomfortable.
We have a lot of work to do before unity will become a safe and viable option the honors and respects our shared humanity. It's my hope that we can achieve unity, not by avoiding discomfort, but by doing the necessary and difficult work that lies ahead.
Here's to fierce compassion that creates a context for unity.
-Brian
Brian Peck, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker specializing in religious trauma and supporting folks with a history of adverse religious experiences. In addition to supporting trauma survivors’ recovery, Brian is passionate about reducing the stigma attached to non-believers, especially those who have exited high-demand religious communities.